Sunday, April 5, 2009

Later, I decided that sometimes you just should humor these mal-adjusted grown-ups so that they will quit obsessing on the whole photo thing and move on to more enjoyable activities. So, I cooperated with Jean. Of course, the moment the forever-attention-seeking-Spokeswoman saw me softening, she had to jump in and try to get in the picture, too. Sheesh! I'd just about had enough of HER interference by this time (trying to yack the legs off of MY company when MY company really wanted to just play Flying Rabbit with ME)--so, I did what she hates most in all the world...I slapped a slimy, wet trail right across her face, too! THAT got her out of my hair for the rest of the day!

People are so easy to manipulate. I learned a long time ago that growling and snapping tends to make them even more resistant to guidance. The simplest way to direct people and keep them in line is by the giving or with-holding of affection. It works EVERY time. The secret is to correctly read what kind of individual you are dealing with. For example, Gabby's Spokesperson LIVES to be licked across the face. When I was just a teeny tiny pup, she was forever grabbing me up and putting her face in mine and cooing, "Give me kisses, little Black!" (That was back before I had a real name!) Well, when I was three weeks old I had had just about enough of her suffocating demands, so, I growled at her, quite fiercely the next time she stuck her big old face in mine. She isn't too smart. She just got all big eyed and said, "Did you just GROWL at me, Black?" Since she obviously needed remedial translation, I responded by BITING the end of her nose quite decisively. THAT kept her out of my face for a couple of weeks. She started leaving me alone and pestering the other pups in the litter instead. But, she is a slow learner, so, eventually, we were back at point "A" once more, with her holding me up and sticking her face right in mine, so, I again had to growl and snap her nose as hard as I could. THAT is when she and my Spokesperson decided I had "aggression issues". Can you believe it? Just because none of the other pups had the nerve to put people in their proper place like I did, they labeled ME as "people aggressive" and "dog aggressive". That is when the evil Spokeswoman took over and started treating me like I was in Boot Camp or something. When I tried protecting her from an untrustworthy repair-man, at the age of ten weeks, she hauled me off to obedience school. I was the only ten week old pup in the whole class...everyone else was at least a year old. You would think she would have at least taken me to PUPPY CLASS. They DO have those, you know!...nice places where you get to socialize and hang out with other pups! I would have ENJOYED that, but, NO...she has to haul me off to OBEDIENCE school. Well, the joke was on her, because I showed up all those other furry slackards. I was the best in the class and everyone ELSE saw how adorable and BRILLIANT I that backfired on my vindictive Spokeswoman! I came out looking brilliant and sweet and precious and oh so amazingly mature, while SHE just looked like the tyrant she is!

It was about that time in my life that I discovered it is much more effective to manage people (non-strangers) with either the application of affection or the with-holding of affection rather than with overt aggression. (Strangers are still best handled with undisguised aggression!) Take my Spokeswoman, for example...if I really want to bug her, I catch her off guard with a big sloppy kiss right across her lips. That just grosses her out and totally redirects her away from whatever it was that she was doing before I discombobulated her ability to think by an intelligently applied expression of "affection"! On the other hand, for people like GABBY'S Spokeswoman, I would use just the OPPOSITE tactic. Gabby's Spokeswoman is utterly shameless...she will beg and plead with me for a kiss and offer her face over and over again. I look at her with wide-eyed innocence and keep my tongue firmly IN my mouth. The more she begs, the more confused I look. It is a delightful diversion in my day! I love it when Gabby's Spokesperson is feeling all needy and she comes to visit!


Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...


I am your Siberian khounterpart with that theory!

I always keep 'em guessing!


Princess Eva and Brice said...

I'm always willing to give kisses, but sometimes I forget and run into Momma with my teeth.


Blogdog said...

Nothing annoys me more than 'strange' people that want to hug onto me and kiss me and pet me - particularly when I am out working! They don't even ask permission - just grab hold and start petting.

I can fully understand where you are coming from ...


The Animal Doctor said...

hiya ransom!
i missed two or three posts in your blog, and im catching up. best news is you're out of prison. yay!!!

i love your interview. bark kent should have thrown 10 instead of 5 questions. i got to know you more, and i must say that you are a very intelligent girl.

take care!



The OP Pack said...

Dakota and TD love to give kisses, but Phantom saves his for special occasions. So if Mom gets a slobbery likc from Phantom, she is in ecstasy.

Did you get all that wind we had here today?

Tail wags, the OP Pack

Joey said...

Hi Ransom! Looks like your life is getting interesting again. That's good.

See ya!

The 'splorin' Wolfies said...

GACK! Handsome overload!

Mochi and Mommy said...

I love to give mommy kisses, but dad doesn't like them too much. :)


Jean said...

Ransom, I love the story but we DO need to get one thing straight. It was not MY idea for the photo shoot but your spokeswoman's. I NEVER ask to have my picture taken but usually avoid it. AND if I had known that she would be pasting picture of my big, fat self....well, we would NOT have had the photo shoot! So, you see, we both got tricked into that one! And, you need to be a little more understanding of her alleged intrusion into OUR visit since she has known me much longer than you have. OK? But, I did enjoy meeting you Saturday. I must say that most of your pictures don't do you justice. You are a beautiful girl! Just try to be a little more tolerant of your spokeswoman. Her intentions are good..she IS a good woman.....Jean

Monica said...

You tell her, JEAN! This dog is incorrigible, but, maybe if she hears the truth enough it might start sinking in some day!

BTW, why aren't you using your GOOGLE ID to post?...the one with your delightful picture?

Jean said...

Sorry, Monica, I didn't think about it!